SGW Kills - Maki Itoh

Shinjuku, Tokyo, Japan

September 24, 2021

(Note: Dialogue in <> is spoken in Japanese)

The world has changed. Not that it doesn’t constantly change in fantastically weird ways all the time. Fantastically weird? That’s a hell of a way to put it, because that’s just exactly what all of this surrounding a certain pay per view being announced for Halloween was. Fucking weird is also good way to put it. How else can anyone else describe the bizarre turn of events that’s led to SGW Kills taking place after the presumed death of the namesake company? Sure there have been random title defenses in Japan since it died properly, but that’s just a desperate, creepy thing that someone has done. Like some kind of motherfucking mad scientist taking the body of SGW, reanimating it and dragging it out for the world to see every few months. Now? Now suddenly SGW isn’t so dead and a full show is scheduled for the end of October.

None of the exceptionally sketchy details are all that disturbing though. Not to a certain pigtailed woman in Tokyo who’s appeared for the undead company a couple of times in the past. She’s seen plenty of weird shit in her lifetime, so honestly this is just another strange turn of events. While no one has any clue who is behind the resurrection of SGW, one thing’s for sure. SGW’s shining star, its celebrity entertainer face, isn’t around to see the brand return. Tom Cruise? Dead (she's pretty sure he's dead anyway) as her own purely idol singing career was. As dead as anyone’s really caring about LinQ, for that matter. A few years removed from her departure and that fucking dead end of a group was lost in a sea of similar acts, doomed to die in obscurity. Meanwhile she’s transcended all expectations to become the Anti-Idol, famous around the world.

Sure the late Tom Cruise had been a big part of the old SGW. That’s just it though. Had been. Just like she’s eclipsed anything LinQ could achieve, the woman is absolutely certain she is going to surpass the memory of Tom Cruise. Why? Because whatever this new SGW is, it needs that same level of superstar entertainer to make it shine. And nobody in the world shines like the Cutest Wrestler in the Word. To put it another way, because she is Maki Fucking Itoh. Becoming the face of SGW is not just her goal, but her destiny as the most amazing, fabulous entertainer who’s setting foot in their ring on October 31.

Today begins her journey to grab the audience by their collective collars and shake them relentlessly until they have no choice but to admit she is the cutest wrestler in the world. She already believes this of course, but bizarrely to her not everyone else does. There are even plenty of people who don’t see it that way. Philistines, every one of them. This Halloween, though, the trick is on them because the person on their doorstep is going to show them the error of their ways. Either they will learn to appreciate her undeniable star power or they will go screw themselves. SGW Kills is Maki Itoh’s night, everyone else is just there to be her supporting cast. Maki nods as she reaffirms the thought in her mind that all the other wrestlers on the card will be happy just to share it with her.

Hell, the more she thinks about it the more this pay per view bearing SGW’s name is an opportunity for the tsunami of Maki Itoh fandom to wash over America. People over there talk about musical acts ‘invading’ from other parts of the world. Maki Itoh and her simp army are going to invade Los Angeles in just a few weeks’ time. Most of the time Maki would be content with the knowledge that she’s going to just beat anyone the spooky mysterious powers that fucking be throw at her. An invasion of this magnitude though? This invasion needs more than just her singular star power. What she needs is an army. One that supports her through thick and thin and always has her back no matter what dangers await her in America.

So, she’s decided, it’s time for nothing short of the Itoh Respect Army to muster and prepare for the attack. That’s why she’s hanging around this side street in Shinjuku, waiting for someone. She wants to bring in someone who had her back when she had no reason to stick with Maki itoh. Loyal to a ridiculous fault. Sure they’ve been on their own roads since then, they’ve both grown since then. But Maki Itoh, the gigantic star that she clearly is, feels obliged to offer this opportunity at further stardom to her old friend. Just where the hell Mizuki is at this point is beyond her. Until from behind her, Maki hears a voice suddenly.

<“Itoh-chan, there you are!”>

Maki Itoh just about jumps out of her boots at this. Someone just snuck up behind her like a fucking creeper! In fact she spins around and finds herself staring into the face of the culprit. Dressed in foofy white clothes as usual, Mizuki stands there with a rolling suitcase in tow. The Fired Idol goes from surprised to upset in a flash and she flips the bird to her unlikely friend. It’s less out of disdain but more a way for her to save face after what’s just gone down. Mizuki ignores this, being quite used to Maki’s typical style of communication.

<“Don’t fucking do that,”> Maki chides her friend, arms crossed over her chest, <“That shit’s not how you greet the Cutest Wrestler in the World.”>

<“Itoh-chan, that’s no way to talk to someone who’s here to help you,”> Mizuki rolls her eyes.

<“Yeah whatever,”> Maki responds, rolling her eyes as well before she admits in a quieter voice, <“Thanks. For.. coming, I mean. “>

<“You’re my friend, I wouldn’t miss this for the world. Are you sure it’s okay to go, though? I mean, didn’t this company fail?”> Mizuki asks, hoping that her friend might be taking this as seriously as it deserves.

Maki just shrugs, <“Only because those shitheads didn’t have me gracing their ring more often.”>

Mizuki pauses before asking, <“How did you even get invited to this show then?”>

Again Maki shrugs, <“I don’t fucking know. I just got this suspicious email with a creepy ass header and a random sender’s address. It doesn’t matter though, because I’m going to kick all those bitches’ asses when I get to Los Angeles!”>

Mizuki has the most dubious face imaginable in reaction to her overwhelming self confidence. A mysterious shadow individual or entity has revived a promotion without any involvement from those who founded it. Two of the most important figures in its history are dead. Some might say under kind of suspicious circumstances. Added on top of that who knew what those behind this very sketchy SGW show were really up to, what they intended to achieve by putting it on. Any reasonable person would look at that and rethink their decision to fly thousands of kilometers in order to participate in it. Maki Itoh, then, is not a reasonable person. Not when there’s the promise of untold fame, glory and wealth to be had by showing up. Where Mizuki is concerned about the dangers of SGW Kills, Maki Itoh only has stars and dollar signs in her eyes.

<“So let’s stop worrying like damn scared little girls and start getting ready for the trip! Nothing’s going to stop the motherfucking Itoh Respect Army from stealing this show,”> Maki announces with her hands on her hips. She looks more determined than ever, like a commanding general supremely confident in her plans.

<“But Itoh-chan -”> Mizuki interjects, having just thought of something rather crucial.

Maki again shoots her friend a dirty look, <“What?”>

Mizuki heistates, then asks, <“Did they offer you airfare to get there?”>

A blank look crosses Maki’s face, <“No.”>

Mizuki sighs, <“Won't you have to buy tickets to Los Angeles then?”>

The blank look remains for a few moments until the realization slowly occurs to her. As it does a look of shock and frustration bursts through on her face, “SON OF A BITCH!”

Los Angeles, CA

October 22, 2021

Somewhere in Hollywood

We join a live stream already in progress in the entertainment capital of the world. SGW Kills is now just around the corner, and the world watches on not knowing what to expect. Stars are gathering in southern California for the simultaneously most mysterious and biggest wrestling show in recent memory. None of that is quite the focus of this particular live stream though. No, this one is focused entirely on a singular young woman with pigtails standing in front of a rather nondescript beige wall. Maki Itoh has arrived in America for her next great performance, and she knows what she must do in order to make this a truly memorable trip.

There’s already abundant love for her over here in the English speaking world. A great deal of it exists largely in the digital world, which does tend to make getting her simp army to show up in force a bit more of a challenge. She’s figured out how to harness this medium, though, and a live stream in such a famous location is just what she needs. Everyone who loves and supports her because she is the Cutest Wrestler in the World is going to see this! Then they’ll flock to Los Angeles with tickets they’d of course absolutely already purchased. When Brooklyn The Hole hits on Halloween, they’ll blow the roof off the motherfucking arena. Such is the power of Maki Itoh.

But maybe this stream isn’t just to energize her army of supporters. Maybe it can also get people who somehow don’t know about her to appreciate her talent. To get behind her and help push her to newer heights at the expense of losers who don’t deserve to share a ring with her glorious self. So Maki decides to let everyone who might be watching this live just what to expect out of her when she appears at the mysteriously booked wrestling show in a few days. She has her Itoh Respect Army t-shirt on over some nice idol-y feminine clothing that in her mind show off her best features. At Mizuki’s signal that they’re ready to go, Maki beams at the camera of her friend’s phone.

“Hel-lo, Motherfuckers! I’m the Cutest Wrestler in the World, Maki Itoh, and I’m here in… Los Angeles! Yaaaay!” Maki claps enthusiastically as she hops up and down in place, Gotta turn on that anti-idol charm!

She then puts her hands on her hips as she continues, “What am I doing here? Let me tell you what I’m doing here, shitheads! On October 31, the Cutest Wrestler in the World will compete in a Smashing Pumpkins Match at SGW Kills!”

Speaking her best English (profane a good deal of the time but still English) is what makes her a star. She keeps on smiling like she’s full of nothing but pure joy and elation. Even as she steps to the side to reveal a table behind her with three pumpkins on it. She’d insisted on stopping at a grocery store on the way over to their filming location. Mizuki has helped her create decorations on each of the traditional Halloween gourd of choice. On each is a rather cartoonish (some might say childish) drawing of three women’s faces. Closer inspection will reveal them to be the faces of Jinny, Hyper Misao and Starlight Kid. Jinny is depicted with an exaggerated pout, Starlight Kid with evil eyes and an anime style open mouth with little fangs, and Misao with a spacey gin on her face. Maki leans back into the frame with a finger on her chin as she continues her informational stream.

“I will fucking break your faces if you don’t come see me wrestle Jinny, Hyper Misao and Starlight Kid! If you do come, you will see Maki Itoh break all of their faces! Two of them hide their stupid ugly bitch faces behind masks, so I.. will take their fucking masks! Toryaa!” she half-threatens/half-exlcaims as she proceeds to hurl the pumpkins onto the cement. For good measure she stomps on the remnants of each while flipping them off with both hands. At this point there are a few people gathered nearby watching the strange scene unfold. Some of them seem to recognize her while others are completely and utterly dumbfounded by the whole thing.

Undeterred by this, maybe even encouraged by having a live audience, Maki looks back into the phone camera and gives the peace sign while smiling adorably. Clearly everyone watching will learn to appreciate how much better she is than any of those other women. For a moment she just holds that cute pose while the views inevitably increase exponentially. Then she spins backward so that her whole person is once again in the shot. What can possibly follow up her impressive display of gourd busting?

“Who needs their stupid bitch faces when I have the biggest, cutest face? My face will be the face of SGW on Halloween, just wait! <I will shine brighter than a super hero, an evil cat or a fahsionista. For me there’s more on the line than just mysterious prizes in pumpkins or winning in front of a big crowd in America. I have to win to prove that I am the true star of SGW!”> Maki continues to narrate, switching to Japanese for ease of self expression, <”SGW needs a star to be a beacon for the world of wrestling. It can’t just be some random asshole who doesn’t have experience as an entertainer. It needs someone who can influence the world with social media, someone who speaks> motherfucking English <, someone who has suffered for her art and become the most charismatic woman in wrestling! SGW’s new superstar entertainer.. That’s what I want to be.”>

As she speaks, the Fired Idol begins to stroll to her right. The camera follows her away from the destroyed pumpkins and the table. Some of the gathered crowd follows her out of curiosity for what the hell she might do next. Soon the table and gourd wreckage is out of frame, and Maki stops in front of a masculine figure standing in front of a poster for SGW Kills. With a dashing grin on his face, garbed in a suit and much more two dimensional than usual, it is Tom Cruise. SGW and Hollywood’star who had made his name in both worlds. Or rather a cardboard standee of him the likes of which local shops might use in a desperate bid to attract customers. Maki eyes it up and down and then sticks out her tongue and shoves a middle finger in its face.

“Oh look, it’s Tom-fucking-Cruise! <Give it up! Hey Tom, look at me when I’m talking to you! That’s right, Tom, I’m here to take your crown as the undisputed entertainment star of SGW! Stopping my rise to the top is> mission impossible, Tom!” Maki shouts in the cardboard actor’s face, <”You going to stop me, Mr. Big Hollywood Star? Huh Tom? Oh.. what’s that? Are you scared? You scared of me taking your spot? You scared? You scared? You scared?! I can’t believe it, you’re scared!”>

She takes a step away, “But you can’t be, because you’re fucking dead, you ashole! You fucking died! <And now SGW is back, probably because some creepy fucks want to use it to cover up what they’re really doing. Maybe it’s a trap of some kind for some other bitch, but for me it’s going to be a ticket to super stardom! Why were you even in wrestling? Why did you have to do that,> you dead motherfucker? These shitheads deserve someone better than you! <I’m going to take what you did and build a real legacy of entertainment and actual wrestling talent!> I’m going to fucking take your place as the big face of SGW! I will kick your bitch ass!”

Suddenly Maki turns back toward the cardboard cutout and headbutts it. She does this several times as the very confused or amused crowd looks on. Then she grabs the standee and suplexes it onto the ground. For good measure Maki also stops the ever loving shit out of it until Tom Cruise is in several pieces on the ground. Then Maki goes down on all fours and goes for a pinfall.. On the destroyed, shattered pieces of Tom Cruise. Oddly enough someone from the crowd - a Japanese woman whose light brown hair has purple tips - joins her on the ground and slaps the pavement.

“ONE! TWO! THREE!!” she counts with the pinfall.

Maki leaps to her feet and hops up and down in joy at her simulated victory. She’s joined by the other Japanese woman who isn’t Mizuki, who raises Maki’s hand in victory. Eagle eyed viewers will instantly recognize the woman as none other than Tam Nakano. What the hell she’s doing in Los Angeles when she’s not on the SGW Kills card is beyond everyone. Once again Maki sticks her tongue out and flips off the people viewing from home. Tam seems to ignore the Fired Idol’s gesture and poses with both hands in the peace sign. Most of the crowd that had gathered around them is starting to disperse, but there are a few people remaining. Some of them are applauding the nonsensical display before them. Mizuki can be heard giggling from behind the phone she’s using to film the stream.

<“Evil cat, fashion model, super hero, that’s a preview of what I’m going to do to you too! Nothing will stop me from finally becoming rich and famous like I deserve to be!”> Maki proclaims, beaming with pride at her performance. She then motions to the woman beside her, <”Oh, who’s this? Well, assholes, I know that this show might be a bit more dangerous than usual for SGW. So I didn’t just come alone with my fantastic skills and big cute face. I brought the Itoh Respect Army! And this.. Is the newest member!”>

Tam beams with pride too, <”Ya-hou! Cutest Wrestler in the Cosmos, Tam Nakano here! I wanted to help someone at this show because it’s.. Suspicious. And Itoh-chan was asking around for help, so it was just the right fit. I’ve struggled like her.. And together, we can prove ourselves in the future! This time I’ve got Itoh-chan’s back along with Mizuki-chan.”>

“Mizuki-chan, get over here with us! Everyone’s gonna think you’re fucking dead like that fucking loser Tom Cruise!” Maki calls out to her friend.

<”Um.. Itoh-chan?”> Mizuki responds in confusion.

“Get over here,” Maki repeats her demand, “So until October 31…”

Mizuki comes into view as she goes around to the same where side Maki and Tam are standing. She smiles hesitantly into the camera alongside her friends. Tam moves her arm in a swooping scoop type motion, her hand ending up cupping her chin adorably.

“Stay delicious!” Tam remarks.

“Stay safe, and have a nice day shitheads!” Maki adds with a middle finger to the camera.

<”Um.. Itoh-chan..”> Mizuki says again.

<”What? What is it? It better be important, Mizuki-chan, we’re trying to sign off here,”> Maki asks, casting a dubious side glance to her friend.

<”Tom Cruise isn’t dead,”> Mizuki tells her with a hint of concern in her voice.

Maki pauses a moment as she processes the news, then scowls, “MOTHERFUCKER!”

The stream suddenly ends. Will the Itoh Respect Army, armed with a new member, conquer the world of wrestling? Does Maki itoh have what it takes to become the new superstar entertainer face of SGW? Will she continue to misunderstand everything going on around her? Find out on October 31!

終わり